I need to do a little "poor baby"

This last week or so has been a little difficult for me. I guess I have just been tired of all the stuff going on with me that just make me not feel well. My feet just really hurt on the bottoms. I am tired of limping most days.My hands and face are dry and chappy. My palms are sore.My tongue is also so sore and tender.  The constant diarrhea is getting me down, and as I pop my tons of medicine every morning and night, I want to throw it all down the drain and say "to heck with it".

My mouth always has sores that wake me up in the night with a pain that would feel like pain spreading fast like fireworks going off in my whole mouth during the night. Then in a few seconds it is over until it happens again before morning.

And my blasted hair is growing so slow, it makes me so so sad.  I just want it to be long enough to look good in a short cut.  But it doesn't. I hate to put this on paper, but I just feel so not pretty. (A nicer way to put it).

I look in the mirror on a no-hat or wig day, and I feel I look so unattractive. It makes me really feel sad. Cancer does a number on a person. Physically and mentally. I feel like I need a mental makeover.  However that would be.  ( I think I may have made that word up.)  I guess all this is tiring me and wearing me out with the same things, day after day. I keep thinking, I know it could be worse. I get that. I think of that all the time.  I want to feel pretty with my short curly hair that stands up straight on my head and makes me feel like a boy!  It is getting summer. I want to not have to wear hats and look nice.

Sorry I'm whining. I don't like to. It's just been tough recently with it all.

It's been one year!

On Mother's Day,  it was one year ago that I became very sick and went to the doctor the very next day.  One year ago today, Kim and I were told I had cancer.  Then a long process took place before I knew what kind.  Maybe almost two months.  I wouldn't change this past year for anything.  I thought about it the other day, if I could go back to my life before cancer.  And I surprisingly wouldn't want to.  I have changed.  Kim has changed.  My whole family has changed.  I think it has brought us closer.  I am happier now than ever before.  I am not scared of death, or the other side.  So, no...I wouldn't want to go back and not go through what I have gone through. It has been a huge blessing. I know it sounds crazy, but it has. I am a survivor! A happy one.