A Surprise in the mail today!!

Look what came in the mail for me today!  I was so choked up I couldn't even talk to Kim.  I could only show him.  I actually saw him choke up also.  Thank you Shane!!  I know you were behind this.  It was so thoughtful.  I will be proud to wear this to my chemo treatments with my kids birthstones around my neck. I most likely will wear it more than that.  I sure love my kids.

MRI? Please don't make me ever have another one!

At 12:30 today I had the MRI my oncologist ordered. If you haven't ever had one.....think about this! Lying on a bed ...going in a body sized tunnel....rhythmic loud noises at different pitches. Holding ones breath for 20 second intervals.....over....and over....and over. Maybe 25 times. Trying to hold your breath for 20 seconds while loud noises penetrate your ears. Did I say over...and over....for 45 minutes! Yea I'm done!! Send this to the Huntsman Cancer Institute today please!

What Do We Do With My Liver Cancer? Here is what we are looking at now.

What an exhausting Dr. Appointment. We tried so hard to understand all the possibilities this cancer has. Sorry if I spell some of these words wrong. I only heard them. Not see them. It looks like I could have Hepatoma liver cancer, which usually shows cerosis of the liver in drinkers or drunks. But there is no cerosis in my liver. Another possibility is that I have Hepatitis B or C and had it for a long time and it has caused cancer. They took some blood to find that out. If it is one of these, there will be one direction we would go. This week she talked to some liver specialists at Huntsman. She is going to have me get a liver MRI this week. The results would go to several liver specialists at Huntsman who will collectively look at the MRI. They will decide if surgery would be possible. They will also decide if I need a liver transplant and if I would even be a candidate. They will decide if surgery isn't possible now, but would be after I have chemo and the masses shrink. I am not starting chemo until the specialists at Huntsman meet over my MRI. I could start chemo in a week, but for sure in 2 weeks. I am trying to make this easy to understand. Kim and I had a dickens of a time comprehending and understanding it all. We kept asking questions that we probably should have understood. This is so frusterating for me. I can't even tell you. On the way home from the Dr. Kim said, "So what are we learning from all of this?" I said in a grumpy voice, "I don't know. Please tell me". He told me "Patience". I am not being very patient. One thing my doctor keeps telling me is how I don't look sick. That I look healthy. She says that is good. She also says that this cancer is better than if it had been pancreatic. That is also good news. Other than that..... I have no news. Good or bad.

Martina McBride - I'm Gonna Love You Through It

Such a touching and sweet song!  I was a bawling bundle of mess as I watched this.  Bring it on!  I have a great support team thanks to all of you!!

I decided to take a recent photo of me before I start my chemo this week.  I may look haggard and bald after my series of treatment.  I don't know.  If I do loose my hair, should I :
1..wear a wig
2..wear a head wrap
3..wear a hat
4..go ah natural-bald  (please don't pick this one!!!)

Oncologist #1

Three days after Mother's day my family Doctor told Kim and I , that I had cancer.  We just didn't know what kind.  After that day, I had an ultrasound, CT scan, CT biopsy, endoscopy, colonoscopy and PETscan.  My family doctor suggested me go see a cancer doctor close to his office.  Kim and I went to see him on a Friday 3 weeks ago.  I have never felt so discouraged as I did that day.  This doctors bedside manner was horrible.  He told me I had stage 4 pancreatic cancer, he thought.  The tests pointed to it but he wasn't sure if the cancer was attached to the pancreas or not.  He told me I had about a year, and that I would need chemotherapy, but that it might not buy me some time.  I would just keep doing the rounds of chemo till my body wouldn't take it any more.  And might I add, while he was giving me my death sentence, so unkindly, his nurse kept knocking on the door interrupting us.  His mind was somewhere else, but definitely not on me.  He set me up a date to start chemo the following Wednesday.

Kim and I left his office in shock.  I was going to die in one year!!!  No hope for my future.  Nothing. And I was putting my life in this mans hand, and he didn't care a hoot for me!

Kim and I went to the car, and the both of us started sobbing, holding on to one another for an hour.  Telling our love for each other for the past 38 years of marriage.  I have never seen Kim weep like that day.  It is something I will never forget. 

Our kids were asked to come that evening.  They knew it was my diagnosis from the doctor.  We told them and called our son in Las Vegas. 

The next day, I went from sadness to madness!  How insensitive of that doctor to not give me any hope!  How dare he!  We had asked him about us getting a second opinion and he said they would just tell us the same thing but maybe in a kinder way.  I didn't care what he said.  I wanted a kinder doctor, and one that would have compassion for me, care about my care and future, and give me hope for a future.  So with the help of a wonderful friend, she and I went for it.

On Monday, I called the Utah Cancer Institute, told them about this insensitive oncologist, and told them I wanted a second opinion with a caring doctor.  They gave me a name, and said she would fit my expectations.  They got me in to see her the very next day.  She was the difference between the night, (doctor #1) and day (doctor #2).  She gave me hope.  And seemed to really care about what I had just gone through.

 

Oncologist #2

The day we went to see this doctor, everything, and everyone in the office was a positive change.  We spent 3 hours in this office between all the staff, the assisting doctor and the doctor.  She had all of my records and she said she wanted to have my biopsy read again to see if there was a mistake.  After it was read again, there had been a mistake, and the cancer was not associated with my pancreas!!!  Oh my, my!  I would have started chemo with doctor #1 by now to fix something that wasn't broken!!!  Oncologist #2 wanted a second biopsy with a surgeon this time.  A laproscopic biopsy.  I met with the surgeon, and it would be quite intensive.  He also was going to insert in my collarbone a port catheter to hook the chemo to each time I would have a treatment.  I was in the hospital for 2 nights.  Yesterday, I finally got my results back from my oncologist that I have liver cancer.  But I was told by the assisting doctor, "This is doable".  Those were the words she used.  I liked those words.  Those words give me hope.  I meet with her on Tuesday the 25th of June after I go to the surgeons office to get all my bandages off from the biopsy and my port.  She will then tell me what my future holds for me.  I have hope.  High hope.  This has been quite the ride.  On a horrible rollercoaster to be exact.

Thank goodness for all of my family and friends who have given me hope, love, kindness, and especially for Kim.  He has given me many blessings this past few weeks.  I have been carried literally, just like that poem of "Footprints in the Sand".  There have been only one set of footprints, and they weren't mine.  I couldn't have gone through this alone.