Infusions are over

Today was really a downer day. This roller coaster ride through cancer is not fun.  I want to get off.

My dear friend took me to Huntsman today.  She went with me to the lab to get my port accessed for blood sample's and  infusion and then in the room to see my doctor.  While she and I were waiting for the doctor to come in, Kim got there so the three of us were there.

He came in and first off he said that my liver function's have really gotten bad the last two weeks, and that he wanted to stop the infusion's since they were not working, including today's.  He said my bellyrubin had gone up and probably between 2 to 4 weeks my eyes and skin would start to turn yellow.  He looked very disappointed.  He said that there were 2 more trials he knew of that might take me, but that he wanted to take more blood and send out to a lab to have it genetically tested again like I did a couple of years ago, only then it was a liver biopsy I had to send.  This was just blood.  He will find out the results in 3 weeks of the genetic findings.  If my bellyrubin keeps going up, the trials might not take me.

  He essentially told us all today that we are most likely at the end of the line.  I asked him how I would feel at the end.  He said I would be very itchy, as liver cancer causes bad itching.  (That is already happening).  He said I would lose my appetite, (That is already happening.  I have lost 35 cancer pounds).  He also said I would want to sleep most of the time but that I shouldn't be in pain.  Liver cancer isn't a painful death.  That made me feel so much better. 

My friend, and Kim and I had a moment of tears and it was hard to hear.  He wants to see me in 3 weeks.