The Bean Bag Suction.......I am a seal-a-meal!

Oh Goodness, where do I begin with this day?

Today I had my Radiation Dr. Appointment.  The office people were so pleasant and kind.  Then we waited for the Doctor to come in.  The door opens and in walks this young nice looking young man about Shane's age.( My youngest son who is only 31).  Kim and I couldn't get over it!!!

He had two plans.  One was less strong radiation with only 3 different directions of radiation coming.  It would be about 2 weeks.

The other plan was much more aggressive and the radiation would be thousands of micro beams. (His choice).

I went in a room today for them to essentially make me a body cast out of a bean bag.  I laid on a CT scan table where the bean bag was laying on top.  4 people prepped me for this first essential CT they would go by.  I had them tucking suction tubing all around and under the bean bag and over the front of me.  Then they put something that looked like saran wrap all over the top of me.  Boy were they tucking everything perfectly.  Then they turned on suction, and it sucked every bit of air out around my body and the bean bag formed to my body all around me. It was the weirdest sensation I have ever felt.  They asked me to wiggle my toe, which they could see through the plastic on top, and I couldn't.  They gave me the CT scan and from that they know where to tattoo 5 dots on my stomach to align with some sophisticated instrument to send the micro beams. By being in suction, I can't move one smidgeon which could make them make a mistake.

 I was told that several people will be in the room when this happens because there are so many things that have to happen precisely as planned.  In fact, they will be doing a phantom surgery on me before I ever come back to make sure they do everything perfect.  If they hit a vessel or something that they shouldn't.......well....we wont go there, because they wont. 

The machine will zero in on three big fat tumors that is pushing up against my kidney and some important blood vessels that could eventually really cause me problems.  This machine should turn those tumors into a raisin, is the way they put it, and essentially split the DNA and it will die.  They could start up again sometime, but I would have to wait a year to do anything again.

This was the most interesting thing I have ever seen!!  They helped me out of my body bean bag mold and they put it in a closet for me every time I come in, and did I mention?  I only have to go 5 times!!!!! Awesome! Then they take another CT scan in about 3 months and see the tumors and what they did.  Mine will be raisins! 

There is just so much to tell about this. I hope you found it as fascinating as I did.  I go and get my first radiation Thursday.  I most likely will be fatigued after, and could be nauseated since it takes place in my stomach.

My family will be fasting for me this Fast Sunday.  We need total precision in this process.  That is what we are fasting for.

So there is my day.  Was your day as sophisticated as mine?  Oh......hardly.  Admit it.

Goodbye to my wigs

Guess what got put in a box and stored away? Right there.  You can see them.  I have worn them almost 1 1/2 years now.  In fact, I think of the brown one on the right as me now.  That to me was my new identity.  It was longer than my other hair used to be but looked so natural on me and I loved that one.  The black one was my "ooh-la-la" wig.  Whatever that is supposed to mean. My black hair look. Not my fav.

So away they go, and I am 100% into my real hair now.  Like I said before, one puzzle piece at a time my life changes.  This is for the good.  They were really itchy and I didn't like wearing them anyway.  Bye bye, to that part of my journey.

Good News or Bad News? Radiation is coming.

Wow!  Good news or bad news is the question?  I accept this as good news........

Two days ago, I saw my doctor to have her report to me on my CT scan.  All of the tumors have grown about 1/4 inch, one a little more than 1/4 inch. So that harmone blocker was not working, and the tumors continue to grow.  She wants me to start radiation.  She didn't know if radiation could even get into there and zap them.

Well, I just got a call from her today telling me that the radiation oncologist whom she picked, seems very positive that he can help me and that he should be calling me to meet with me. Wow.  Awesome!  It won't be a walk in the park.  She said it most likely would be every day except weekends for 4-6 weeks!!  Holy cow!  I sure hope that they let me drive myself.  I can't expect others to haul me down there every day for weeks.........that would make me feel sooooooooo uncomfortable.  (Take a deep breath..........)

So where do I go from here?  I wait for this doctor's call, which I think will be soon.  Then my Heavenly Father will guide the rest.  "He" is in the driver's seat.  I am going along for the ride. I hope the ride isn't real bumpy.  I kind of choose them to be smooth, but who am I kidding?  I need to prepare for ruts in the road.

The Puzzle of my Life

 

I have been putting this puzzle together that I got for Christmas.  It is a 1000 piece puzzle, and as you see, I am not even close to being half done.  At this point in the puzzle, I am having a hard time finding pieces for other areas.  I look at all the pieces that I have left, and I wonder if I can really finish it.  As I sit at the table, I look through the box, and I find one piece that fills in a hole here, and then I find another that fills in a hole there, and then another and so on.  It seems tedious, but I think that it is one less piece in the box.

 

I thought how this is like my life right now. Waiting.  One way is with my hair.  I want it to get past this stage that it is.  I am so grateful that I am not bald like last year.  I am also grateful that my hair came back.  But trying to get past this curl is trying my patience.  I want my hair the way it used to be, because I knew how to handle it.  I knew how to fix it.  I knew how I wanted it at the salon. 

 

Now,  all I know how to do with my hair is fluff it with gel.  I keep hoping that at some point it will go back straight like it used to be and that I can have "me" back again.  I just have to wait, "one piece at a time". I am hoping that those pieces are in my life puzzle. 

 

 

 

It's like that in any part of my life.  Sometime's it's the "waiting game",  and I don't usually have patience for it.  Through this trial of having cancer, I really have learned about "the waiting game". Just like this puzzle.  Things happen, one piece at a time.

 

In 4 days, I get my next CT scan and see how the harmone blocker has done the past 4 months.  I have a feeling that it hasn't worked, but we will see.  I see her on January 20th and she will tell me. 

 

 

 

 

 

Feeling Down and not feeling Well

I really have not had very many good days since Christmas. It has been hard to feel that I am deteriorating with using this harmone blocker and know that I can't see my oncologist for three more weeks.  I hurt and ache through my whole body and feel really weak.  Almost flu like symptoms but I know that it is not.  I feel worse in the mornings and feel normal about 2:00 in the afternoon. 

Kim had a talk with me about this last night.  Essentially, that I need to buck up.  He didn't say that, but after our talk, I told myself that I needed to accept what is happening and pray for help.  We got a book for Christmas that Kim is reading first, and it has good advice for people going through trials.  I will give some points of it when I get a chance to read it.  Kim is inspired as he is reading it. I really think that the aches and pains are coming from the harmone blocker.  I hope so, and can't wait to try a different one when I see her. Oh, I want to know what that CT scan is going to show!!!!!