My life changed dramatically on Mother's Day 2013. Three days later I was diagnosed with cancer from my physician. This blog was made to keep my family and friends informed to what has been happening to me the past few weeks. When I find out news from different Doctor's through all of the procedures I have had, so many of you have wanted me to text, email, call, or someway contact you. It humbles me how many of you are concerned. Sometimes I forget to contact some of you. This way, you can stay in touch with what is happening now. Please feel free to comment. I hope I have it set up so you can. If not, I will ask Emily my daughter to help me, since she helped me get this set up.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

The Beginning of the end

It is 4:00 in the morning and sleep is not possible.  Yesterday was a changing day for me.  A new chapter of my life.

I started the day having a CT scan in Ogden.  Then I came home to wait for my radiation doctor to call and tell Kim and I the news about it and the MRI.  I just haven't felt good about what I was going to hear.

Later in the day, around 4:00, 12 hours ago, we were told that I have 8 new tumors in a left quadrant of my liver.  These have surfaced in the last few weeks.  They have come fast.  Not only that, I have two lesions in my left lung and 6 in my right lung.  My doctor said that he can't do radiation to the liver tumors because I could have liver failure.  And essentially, there is nothing he can do.  I guess he called my regular oncologist and they talked.  Between the two of them, they said that there wasn't anything more that they could do for me.  I do see my regular oncologist this Thursday when I will ask about my time line.  I feel in my heart that it won't be very long because the tumors are rapidly growing.  The liver tumors are about a half inch each and the lesions in the lungs are about a quarter inch each.  It is the beginning of the end.

We called our kids with the tearful news.  How do you tell your kids something like this?  And how do they respond?  I then called my brothers and sister.  I told each child and sibling of my love for them.  Something I don't tell everyone as often as I should.

Kim and I had some tearful moments the rest of the day and evening.  He called his sister and brother also.  In our tender moments together, we talked about eternity.  Our sealing in the temple was the beginning of our eternal family.  That is the most important thing to me.

The bishop and his wife came over later in the evening and spent some time with us and I loved how he put it, that we will just be in different rooms is all.  He gave us each a blessing which I was so appreciative of.  Especially Kim getting one.  He needed one as much as I did.

It makes me so sad to see my children sad.  That is going to be hard is to watch them deal with this.  And especially to see Kim grieve.  To see the tears run down his cheeks is difficult for me.  But like he keeps telling me, we need to get our heads above the clouds and look at this.  Look at the big picture.  We know when we come to earth, at some point, we will die.  It's the plan.

Anyone reading this blog, I want you to know that I have a testimony in my heart.  I know that Christ is real and that my Father in Heaven knows exactly what I am feeling and my family is feeling and he is comforting Kim and I at this time.  I have been praying that he will comfort my children also.

I am not so good with words, but I have tried to write somewhat that is in my heart.

5 comments:

  1. This is something I really wasn't prepared for. I always thought you were going to beat it after all you are my brave positive friend. Tears are running down my cheeks while I'm trying to work its water works for sure. You have been a very cherished friend for a very long time and even when I wouldn't see you I always knew you were there for me. You know when you got married I was so lost without you but you were moving on ahead of me and that was ok. You have been such a wonderful example to me. You are the light in my life and have always lead the way. Sometimes I think this is our graduation day when we leave here and our Savior meets us at the gate. You once again are leading the way for the rest of us. I am so very sad and I hope the rest of the time you have will be cherished and you will be at peace. I love you my friend so very much. I will be calling you tonight. You are very special and you have certainly touched my heart and spirit for a very long time. You take care God bless you. Love always and forever. Deana

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  2. What you wrote was beautiful and powerful and profound! Thank you for your steadfast faith in the midst of sore trial, Terry Lynn; and for showing all of us who love you what true courage and conviction look like! We pray for you every day, and knit our hearts and our faith together with yours, and we are so very proud to be related to you! With abiding love and faith and hope~

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  3. Terry Lynn,
    You have been in my thoughts and prayers since you began your amazing fight. I was so sorry to get the update yesterday.
    I just wanted to let you know how amazing I think you are. Your attitude, your faith, your strength and your courage have been so inspiring to me as I’ve followed your blog. I want to be you when I grow up.
    I will continue to pray for you and your family to find peace and comfort as you face the next chapter of this fight.
    Thanks so much for sharing this journey. I’m sure you will never know how many lives you have touched.
    With Much Love,
    Becky Thatcher Nielsen

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  4. Terry Lynn, I am so very sorry for what you and your family are going through. It breaks my heart. I ran into Emily at the dollar store a few days ago and she told me the latest. I love your family so much, all of you. You're such an awesome family and I admire you all. You're continually in my prayers. You're a trooper! Such an example and inspiration to all of us.

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  5. Terry Lynn- You have faced this ordeal with great faith and grace. I am truly blessed to have met your acquaintance. I hope for a miracle but am quite sure you will be sitting at the right hand of God our Saviour when you are called to be with him. But in the meantime, stay strong and get those things on your bucket list done now!

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