Relay For Life- Hair Loss

This has been an emotional week so far.  But then, it seems I have a ton of those kind of weeks, don't I !!!!! Here are some things that happened:

1)  I have been off of my chemo for 12 days tomorrow, when I see my oncologist.  I was only on it 9 days, when I got the rash, and have been off while my rash goes away.  It is weird.  It almost went away, and it seems it is appearing again, but not raised welts and doesn't itch.  I don't get it. 

2)  Morgan County had their Relay For Life last weekend.  A couple of months ago, my sister said she thought I should enter a "Team Terry Lynn".  The only problem, was most of the teams had been earning money for their team for all year.  We were just getting started.  We decided that since at this time, we needed the money  to help pay bills from all of my medical expenses more than I needed to help make money for cancer research, that we bagged the idea of getting a team to walk.  However, I did want to go over to  the high school and see how Relay For Life worked. 

I was so overwhelmed, I couldn't talk for the first several minutes after I arrived.  Everyone was so happy, and coming out of the bleachers to come on  the track to walk after each cancer survivor was called.  It was all I could do to choke back tears and keep it together.  I didn't want to cry.  Everyone was so dang happy!!  What was my problem?!?  Neighbors who saw me, came over and put their arm around me and I knew if I said one word I would start tears that wouldn't stop.  So I probably seemed unfriendly for the first while to familiar faces.  Then I kept hearing people say, "You need a shirt".  I didn't know what shirt they meant.  Pretty soon, Kim and I were dressed in Relay For Life shirts.  On the back of mine, I was supposed to put how many birthday's I had had since my cancer.  On the back of Kim's it said he was a Caretaker.  That's when I couldn't stop the tears. I had held back long enough.  They just streamed down my face. " I REALLY HAVE CANCER!  IT ISN'T JUST A BAD DREAM!"   So Kim and I walked around the track, holding hands and I continued to cry.  This was the happiest sad thing I had ever seen!   Why was I the only one that seemed to be a boob?  I finally told Kim that I couldn't stay any longer.  I needed to go.  I needed to process this in my mind this year.  I said I wanted to go swing on the swings at the park!  So we did.  That was my Relay For Life Experience. 

3)  Well, today is Monday, and this morning was monumental in my book.  The dreaded day arrived that I didn't want to ever have happen.  My hair started coming out.  Washing it this morning, left a whole pile of hair in the drain.  My heart skipped a beat as I picked it out.  I then rinsed it again to see if it really was my hair, and sure enough, a whole pile of more hair in the drain.  I got out of the shower and texted Kim.  I was upset.  He assured me he would always love me no matter what happened to my hair.  I combed through it and it kept coming out in my brush.  When I blew it dry, I could take my hands anywhere through my hair and get a handful.  And that is exactly what is happening now, and probably will continue. I don't understand why it is coming out now since I have not been on the drug for so many days.   I don't know, but I just didn't want it to happen yet.  I am having my class reunion in a few weeks, and I really didn't want to go to it with a head wrap.  If that wouldn't call attention to me, nothing would, and I don't want special attention.  Hopefully this will stop before it gets too bad.