Great CT scan news! Yay Nexavar!

Skippety do da. Skippety-ay. Happy New Year to me. My CT scan showed the enlarged tumors from two months ago,  back to their original size.  Nothing has gotten worse, larger, or spread.  Dr. Klein had a huge grin! She was pretty happy!

I finally today, feel like I have broken away from the evil spell that Oncologist #1 put over me, of thinking my time is limited to 12 months left on this earth. There is no way!  I am not any worse today than I was in May.  I finally feel free from his spell he has cast over me for the past 7 months. I don't feel burdened down with his sentence I was given any more.  He was wrong, and that's that! I am so happy today.

So all of you reading this. I am still kicking and screaming and am not giving up! 2014 is going to be my year!

Yay Nexavar!!! You are doing something good!

Dr. Qader. I will miss you.

I just received word this Sunday evening that my family doctor, Dr. Qader, died of a heart attack last night.  I think I am still in shock!!! He has tried to preserve my life multiple times in helping me with my blood pressure, cholesterol, and all the things you go to a doctor for.  And most recently, he had me have a CT scan in May, to see why I was so sick, and he called Kim and I in his office to personally tell us that I had cancer.  He didn't want to do it over the phone.

I first met Dr. Qader when I had a stroke, 7 years ago.  He was my doctor in the hospital. Our insurance changed and so we couldn't go to our regular family doctor.  I was so impressed with Dr. Qader in the hospital and his exquisite care he gave me, that I wanted him to be our new family doctor.  He has been like a friend to Kim and I. He would even read this blog. He has been so supportive to me through all this cancer stuff, and most recently worked so hard to get my blood pressure regulated.  What a wonderful person.  Doctors aren't supposed to die on us!  They are supposed to keep us alive and healthy until they retire.  He was much younger than Kim and I.  It shouldn't have been his time to go. I am so so saddened. A very smart, caring, and kind man has passed on.

On Friday, when I left getting my CT scan, and I was passing Dr. Qaders office, I had this feeling I needed to stop in and wish them all happy holidays, and I didn't do it!  It was one day before he was gone.  Why did I not listen to that small voice that told me to go say hello. It would have been my personal goodbye.

Post Christmas Thoughts

Looking back at some of the Christmas parties, and activities I have had, it has been sobering.  This is a picture of my Thatcher Family Christmas Party at our home.  I love being with them.  I wonder if I will ever have them at my home again.  Was it the last time?  I would hope not.  But if it is, I want them to know how much fun I had having them here.  I love my brothers and sister and their families.  I wish Gordon and his family had lived closer to come also.

As I think of putting away my Christmas decorations, I want to put the most important things that I want Kim to bring out next year on top.  He can pick the things that he likes the most to have out for the family.  It is so sobering to think along the lines of not being here next year with them all.  But I am at peace within myself if it doesn't happen even though it makes me sad, and I don't want to believe that it may be so.  It has been a great holiday that I have loved every minute of:
"The ward Christmas party, my office party dinner, our office pot luck, Christmas Eve with my kids and their families, Christmas carolers, Christmas lights on temple square, doing the nativity,Christmas day with my husband and son, Christmas cards from so many.   Goodies and treats from so many neighbors."  It is all what Christmas is in my world.  Especially knowing why we celebrate the season.

I am planning on being here for a very long time, but I have to be realistic that there is a chance I may not experience Christmas with my family and friends again.  Therefore, I leave these feeling I have on this blog today.

On another note, I got a CT scan again yesterday.  Gotta love drinking barium!!!  YUM.  I will find out all about the scan on Tuesday afternoon as I visit with my Doctor.  By the way, she is a wonderful oncologist and her name is Dr. Regina Klein. I highly recommend her if any of you are ever in my shoes.

Ice Cream and my Christmas Necklace

Today is the day after Christmas.  Let me tell you about my Christmas.

First of all, food doesn't taste all that good for the most part, much of the time, and it hurts my tongue.  A food that sounds good this morning, may sound awful in 2 hours and sound awful for days.  It's crazy.  But something I crave ALL THE TIME NOW IS ICE CREAM!! It never ceases to amaze me how much I want ice cream!!  I have to keep buying some to stay in my freezer.  Or order a shake at Wendy's.  I have no idea why that always sounds good, when most everything else is always so iffy.  I know....I am nuts....(over ice cream, that is).

Yesterday was Christmas, and how sweet it was.  I had my family all around me on Christmas Eve, and we had such a wonderful time. Kim and I had made ceramic plates for each family member with their name and a picture that reminded us of them on it. Each couple had their wedding date and name. We spent several hours and multiple trips to the ceramic store to make them all, and watching them all open their plates on Christmas Eve, made me very emotional to watch their excited faces and hear them all chattering to each other about them.  Tears streamed down my cheeks as I saw their happy faces. It was so worth the effort of our "not-so-professional" plates. They didn't seem to care.

Christmas morning, we had our son Shane here from Henderson, NV and the three of us enjoyed watching each other open our gifts.  In the toe of my stocking, from my 'Knight In Shining Armor', was a small box. Inside was two necklaces, with a half heart on each that fit together and made a beautiful whole heart.  On each half heart said, BFF. (Best Friends Forever).As I looked at them, I was curious about who was going to wear the other half, as I was certain half was for me.  He announced proudly that even though he has never been a jewelry wearer, or rings, or a watch or anything of the sort, he would be wearing the other half of that necklace always, because I was his Best Friend. Oh my gosh.......the flood gates erupted in my eyes as I had just heard my husband tell me that he was going to wear a necklace to remind him of me always!  That is soooooooo out of character for my ruff tuff husband. He came over and tenderly put mine around my neck and handed me his to clasp around his neck.  It really isn't noticeable that much which I am glad about for his sake.  What a tender time that I shall never forget.....ever! That was the sweetest thing and I shall never forget it.

Merry Christmas to all who reads this blog.  Thank you for checking in to see what is going on in my "mostly uneventful" life.

I have not put anything on my blog for quite awhile.  I have been so busy with Christmas that I literally haven't had time.  I get pretty tired in the evenings and I go to bed when Kim does, which is 8:30, since he has to get up at 3:15 in the morning.  I do have a couple of pictures I want to put on.  I will try to tomorrow.

I do have another CT scan that I am getting on the 27th of December.  That will tell us what the cancer is doing. I cross my fingers.

Kim and I had a special moment a few days ago.  I don't really know how to explain it.  And I can't do it justice on paper. 

We were sitting at the table opening some Christmas cards we had received in the mail that day.  I looked on the wall where I tape them up after reading them.  As I stared at the cards on the wall, I got really emotional wondering if this was my last Christmas.  No words were spoken between us and I looked at Kim and tears were freely rolling down his cheeks also.  I had no idea he was having his own thoughts and emotions.  We looked at each other with tears streaming down our cheeks, not knowing what the other was thinking.  We then embraced each other and had a moment to connect emotionally. It was tender. 

I still don't know his thoughts during that moment, and he doesn't know mine, but I feel we were in sinc for those few minutes as we thought about our future.

My Gingerbread House this year!

My kids and their families decorate gingerbread houses every year.  This is mine.  I just put all of them on facebook under Terry Lynn Warner, if you want to go on and see them all.  They are fun.

10,000 Views! Wow! Thanksgiving. ER

This week of thanksgiving has been one one the best weeks but for my health, one of the worst weeks.  I have had so many complications from my Nexavar this week.  One thing happens, and then that causes something else to happen and I am going around in circles.  I went to the emergency room Friday, and they really didn't know much how to help me much .  Very frustrating.  The good part of the week is what I want to focus on.  Having all my kids and their families here for thanksgiving. Then Saturday, watching my grandson be baptized.  Sunday, my granddaughter was blessed, and we also celebrated my little adopted grandsons first birthday.  So lots of things that have made this an awesome and memorable week.

This blog just hit over 10,000 views!  I can't believe it! Thank you! I just wish I knew who you all were so I could thank you personally for your concern.

We just put our Christmas tree up tonight, and I am so geared up for Christmas.  I love the holidays.

Kim.  Thank you for your love and patience for me.

Diagnosed with Cancer 6 1/2 months ago

I was diagnosed with cancer 6 1/2 months ago.  By my first oncologists time line for me......I have 5 1/2 months left to live, and I don't even look sick yet!  Hum.  I think he rattled our family carelessly.  My blood tests come back every 2 weeks not much different than the month before.  Not to say that prayers of you all haven't helped me immensely.  They have.  They have also helped me emotionally.  I don't believe what that doctor said to me that day, but it has been hard to erase that comment from my mind.  I think I have to get really ill looking and feeling, before kicking the bucket.  I have a long way to go to get to that point.......thankfully! In fact, I tell myself.... maybe I don't really have cancer.  Maybe its all a big mistake!!!!  ;)  Don't I wish!

The NO HAIR look

I guess I don't even need to explain this picture.  I finally dared put it up.  It is part of my illness, and I need to document it.

Yesterday, at work, one of my co-workers had me go online and see the Utah girl who just won a beauty pageant and she was bald. She is getting national attention.  She said she could have worn a wig, but she was being judged on beauty and not on her hair, and she won!  I am not a beauty by no means, but this is who I am right now, and that story gave me the courage to put this on.

4 NEXIVAR!

I get to take all 4 of my Nexivar......FINALLY! 
My blood pressure is finally normal.  I am finally going to have my full dose after waiting 3 1/2 months!  Those cancer cells are gonna die!

A new hair color!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok! I guess I can be a little mad/ grumpy about this.  If I can't, I am anyway.

I was told by my hairdresser, that most times when women loose their hair  during chemo, that it comes in differently than it was before.  So I was aware I may have some change in my hair.

Well, I initially had it shaved the first of September.  As my hair started growing back, I could see my normal hair color and texture coming back.  I would always keep checking it out closely, even though it was only a half inch or so.... But it looked like my normal hair.

I had it shaved again a few weeks ago.  AND IT IS NOT MY SAME HAIR COMING BACK IN! It is almost pure WHITE!  And VERY CURLY!  I have WHITE CURLY HAIR!! My gosh!  I thought I have been imagining it the last week or so, since my head is so light.  The darker hair was not coming through.  And it looked liked it was fuzzy white!  I finally said something to Kim tonight about how my hair is coming in differently.  He said he had noticed it also that it looked so light and he thought it looked curly!  SO I AM NOT IMAGINING IT! It isn't gray.  IT IS WHITE!  AND YES I AM THROWING A MINI TANTRUM! I am not ready for this change too!!!! Dag-nabit!

(Woo hoo for hair color)

(Ok, my daughter, Emily just called and I let out my frustration on her.  She had a marvelous idea!  She told me to shave it a third time, and maybe it will come in red!) hahahahaha

My physical symptoms from cancer or chemo.

I have had several people ask me how I am feeling, and what are my symptoms?  Here is what is happening on a daily basis:

My hair is still falling out.  Maybe it will continue until it is all gone.  I don't know.

The palms of my hands and bottoms of my feet are red and are very heat sensitive.  They are quite sore most of the day.  I have to wear socks since my feet are too sensitive to walking barefoot. With my hands, they are too sore to unscrew bottles, or do things that require pressure to my hands.

My tongue is also very sore all of the time.  Even toast is hard to chew because it hurts.  It is also very heat sensitive and I have to have my food cooled way down.

High blood pressure and headaches a lot.

Bloating and abdominal pain occasionally.

My knees hurting

I feel so lucky that is all I have!  It could be soooooo much worse.  I can handle those things. I thank my Father in Heaven all the time that I don't have worse symptoms.  

Results of my CT scan and my knees

By the time I got to my oncologist appointment late this afternoon, my blood pressure was way too high.  I can always tell when the nurse is taking it, from the look on her face if it is high or not.  I got the "oh, oh...it's high" look.  And it had been so good for several days. (Darn it).

Waiting in my oncologists patient room, was so hard.  Waiting for her to come in and essentially pronounce my new sentence. I had really felt calm about it all weekend but now I was sitting on the edge of my seat.

I have three larger tumors in my stomach, which I knew about from the last CT.  The largest one went from 4 centimeters to 5 centimeters.  Another one I think went from 3.5 centimeters to 4. The third one shrunk a little, and I can't remember its size.  My liver looked good, and didn't look unhealthy as you might expect.  Everything else looked really good.

She wasn't particularly concerned about the size of the  tumors getting larger.  She said they could be larger for other reasons such as swollen from being a bit inflamed for some reason. So the size might not be an accurate way of viewing my disease.  Mostly it depended on my blood work and how I felt in general.  And generally I feel good.  I felt very relieved to hear this as I had felt like things would be fine.

I however wasn't prepared for the next part. I have been having problems with my knees for several weeks.  Starting with my left knee, it hurt every day.  I finally asked my chiropractor about it when I went in to help me with my neck.  I told him about my knee and had him look at it.  He said my knee cap was out. He put it back in with this little pistol like thing that zaps my knee with a thud.  A few weeks later my right knee started hurting in exactly the same place.  So the chiropractor zapped both knees since the knee caps were both out.  I only seem to be able to go a couple of days before they go out again.  On a crazy hunch, I thought I would ask my oncologist about my knees, which I didn't think she could help me with. When I told her about them, she looked concerned and said my Nexavar can cause skeletal problems in joints, and that it could very much be the cause of my knee caps going out! In fact, she was pretty sure it was the Nexavar.  I couldn't believe it!  She then had me show her what the chiropractor does when he puts them back in, and I mimicked what he did.   She said to ask my chiropractor if he could teach me how to do it on my own at home, as I may be having this happen a lot.  She said the knees could get much worse in time and even affect other joints, so I am to really watch my knees these next three weeks until I see her again.

She did not have me go to four Nexavar yet because she wants to watch my blood pressure for about ten more days to keep it down, then I can call her and we will start on the regular dose of four finally, and hopefully no rash!

Whew! What a relief today to find out those things.  I sure love my doctor!

CT scan today

Thank you to my sister for taking me to my CTScan this morning.  The cocktails you have to drink were not that bad.  The results of them were the killer!  Not much sleep.

Whatever they find out, I feel at peace.  Can't wait to find out the results Tuesday at my appointment.

I was given a small silver angel to bless me with from a friend in Pennsylvania. I am supposed to keep her in my pocket or palm, or on a shelf.  She was with me in my pocket today.  Thank you Pat!

Cocktails and Dumb Hair

Well, today I got the "cocktails", (as they call them), that I have to drink before my CT scan on Friday.  I could pick Vanilla or berry.  Berry sounded good. It looks like chalk. It better not taste like it also.

Well, my darn hair is still falling out! Can you believe it?  It now has been coming out for three months!  I had a whole bunch of 3/4 inch hair on my pillow and in the sink.  (That's how long my hair is since I had my head shaved).  It made me grumpy. I have been so blasted mad at seeing hair coming out again that tonight I had Kim take the clippers to my head and shave me bald again.  Just that little bit looks so different again on me.  Dumb Hair!

I feel I need to be brave and put a picture on this blog, of me bald.  I don't want to but this is the story of what I am going through, and being bald is part of my life right now.  We'll see. I have had to do so many things the last few months that I never wanted to do, that, hey.... what is one more thing?

THANK YOU!

I need to tell all of you who read this blog, all of my family, neighbors, friends and loved ones and whomever else that reads this, a huge THANK YOU!  I have been treated like royalty by you all.  I have received many cards from you all. Wonderful gifts of encouragement,  prayers in my behalf, flowers, goodies, kind comments on this blog, and just love and concern from so many of you.  Just the thought that this blog is nearing 8,000 views tells me that I have so many people who care how I am doing.  (Why, I don't know).It boggles my mind and I feel very humbled. I even have a secret person who I hear from every two weeks, anonymously. She gives me encouragement and strength. Thank you all! I feel happy and very blessed through this trial.

Three pills a day now. Getting another CT scan.....finally.

I saw my oncologist yesterday.  Here are the results:

1- I am on 3 Nexivar (chemo) pills a day now.  Only one short now of my full dose.

2- My blood pressure is still too high.  I see my family doctor today about it again.

3- The most interesting news is that she wants to see how my cancer is progressing.  So she wants me to get another CT scan.  I have wondered about this for sometime.  With all of my set backs for weeks and weeks, that has been a concern of mine. She wants me to get the scan on the 25th of October and then we can talk about it the next time I see her on the 29th. She seems to think it isn't going to be too bad because she thinks I don't look like I am sick still. Wouldn't that be awesome if it isn't much different, or even better......if I have improved? I don't know if that could happen or not with my cancer, but I can hope.

I need to bring it DOWN!

This past 2 weeks have been some rough waters as I have had very high blood pressure, which is a reaction to my chemo, and it is doing a number on me.  Between my oncologist and family doctor, it just hasn't come down much, which in turn, may be the culprit of my severe headaches.  I have also been told it may be stress headaches, but what would I be stressed about?¥#*.
Whatever the reason, I have them night and day, and I seem to have no energy.  And to top it all off,  the gastrointestinal problems have been painful.  I am very much looking forward to my blood pressure being in normal range again so I can try to get to the about of chemo I need to be helped.  I am not there yet, and it sometimes gets frustrating. After listening to general conference, I loved the talks on trials in our lives, and I want to be like that tree that President Monson talked about that grew with the winds and rains, and what good wood it would someday make.  I loved that poem, and I should try to get a copy of that.

This is to a better week!  Onward and upward!

(I sure have the sweetest husband ever.  He is my best friend! )

My eyes were opened to the reality of taking chemo medication. Tears of Sadness and Joy

I went to see my doctor for my visit every two weeks with her.  Before I saw her, I needed to have my port, (Lucy)  be flushed and draw blood.  Flushing it should be done every 6-8 weeks since I don't have IV chemo.

As I was sitting there waiting my turn, I watched the nurse hooking up a lady to the catheter for what seemed to be her first time getting chemo.  Her husband was sitting close by as the nurse explained how her chemo had some benedryl mixed in with it, and pointed to another bag that would drain some anti-nausea medication in also.  I have never watched someone go through this and it was really tearing me up.  She finally was done being hooked up, and was told it would take about two hours.  I couldn't believe it!  I didn't know it took so long!  I then saw her husband reach over and hold her free hand and I silently watched and continued to tear up.  One- because she was scared I could tell, as I think it was her first time, and she didn't know what to think about the two hour time it was going to take. Two- it made me sad that it was going to make her nauseated and sick.  Three- it made me teary to see her sweet husband give her his love  and support by holding her hand.  And last of all, but certainly not least, I thanked my Heavenly Father that I can just pop a pill in my mouth....doing it twice a day, and I don't have to leave my home, and I don't have nausea.  I thanked my Father in Heaven for that blessing for me, and  I cried for her to be healed.

I have a friend from high school who I saw at my class reunion the first of the month, and yesterday she sent me a package with this plaque with the saying above, a picture of us both, a birthday card, and this story that she said is one she has used many times for her kids as they were growing up.  I just love the saying on this plaque.  And I equally love this story.  I hope you reading this, will love it as I do.

The Refiner's Fire

There was a group of women in a Bible study on the book of Malachi.  As they were studying chapter three, they came across verse three, which says:

                                     "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled the women and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at the next Bible Study.  That week, this woman called up a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work.

She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.  As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up.  He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest, so as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot---then she thought again about the verse that says,

"He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver."

She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.  The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he also had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire.  If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment.  Then she asked the silversmith, how do you know when the silver is fully refined?

He smiled at her and answered, "Oh that's easy---when I see my image in it."

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has His eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image-- in you.

Be blessed!



Perfect Time Of Year To Wear Wigs......HALLOWEEN. Anything goes!

So glad to find my Halloween wigs in my Halloween decorations boxes.  Hey, I will have a different wig for every whim I have each day.  Don't you wish you had so many hair choices?  Shave your head and I will share! It sure is easy to fix your hair!!!

My Mrs. Weesley look



 

Punk rocker

Sonny

    & Cher

 

Am I allergic to dishwashers? I must be.

Well, I had a setback Friday evening.  Kim and I were in an appliance store looking and when we started looking at dishwashers, I started hurting, and on a scale of 1-100, my pain level went from 1 to 110 in less than 60 seconds. I had to walk away while Kim talked to the salesman and I leaned on a dryer down the isle, and I thought I would pass out.  One of the owners saw I wasn't feeling good, and asked me if I wanted to sit down. I couldn't even answer them.  I got Kim's attention from where I was standing and mouthed to him that I was sick. He pretty much could see something was really wrong and quickly came to my side.  I thought I may have to go to the emergency room, but after about 20 minutes it started letting up and subsiding some. I didn't feel too great the rest of the weekend, but nothing like those 20 minutes that came on so suddenly that I didn't know what hit me!  It was a reminder of my illness that usually doesn't flare up.  Humm.... I felt like a wimp in that store.  I must be allergic to dishwashers is all I can figure out!

BLACK! I can't really believe I did that!

 On Tuesday, my oncologist upped my dose to 2 a day instead of 1!  Yea.  I am 2 days into it and feel great!

OK.  I have had requests for a picture of the black hair.  Here it is!  I like my regular hair color best but this has been fun just for kicks.  Hey....if I am going to be bald, I am going to have a good time with it!  So if you see Kim with someone you don't recognize in black hair, it's still just me!

Hair, no hair, hats, more hair

 

Well, that day really did come that I hoped would never come.  Over 5 weeks ago I started losing my hair.  Everyday I would get handfuls and find hair all over my pillows, sheets, in the shower drain, sink, bathroom floor, all over the house.  It has been mentally a very hard thing to go through.  I kept wanting to just shave it all off, but I just couldn't do it.  It was like a death to get rid of my hair.  But the mental part of watching my hair disappear daily and cleaning up after it was really getting to me and I finally couldn't do it anymore.  Wednesday, 9/11, I ended that turmoil and now I am at peace with myself.  I had my head shaved. The above picture was taken the day before I did it. I know it probably doesn't look sparse from the picture, but I had a lot of scalp showing.  I was very self conscious about it.  After I had it shaved at the wig shop, I put on my wig and took this other picture of me in the car, and went hat shopping!

Several hats later, I went to McKay Hospital, and through the National Cancer Society, I went wig shopping AGAIN! Only this time, I picked hair that I have never had anything like it before.  I went with black hair!  I couldn't believe I really did that!  That is my adventurous side.  I am not brave enough yet to put a picture of me on this blog, with the black wig on. 

So in the same day, Kim got a bald wife and a black haired wife.  He probably doesn't know what to think!  No, actually he has been so sweet and supportive.  I had them video me cutting my hair off, and I texted the video to him, and later that day he shared with me how emotional it was for him to watch my hair getting shaved.  We both have had a few tears over it, but hey......it's just hair right?  Hopefully it will come back.  There could be a chance it wont all come back. But I'll take what I can get.

 

I have to tell you a funny story with my 5 year old grand daughter Ava.  I was watching her and her little brother Axel while my daughter was at her doctor appointment, and that morning I had had my head shaved.  Ava and I were eating lunch. Here is what happened. 

Me: Ava. Grammy has a surprise to show you.

Ava: What is it Grammy?

I lifted off my wig, and there was my bald head.  Her eyes went huge, and she walked around me to see the back of my head.

Ava:  What happened Grammy?

Me:  Grammy had to have her hair shaved off because it kept falling out all over the house.

Ava: Now will it not be messy?

Me: Nope. It wont be messy any more

Ava: (Handing me back my wig) Here Grammy, hurry and put this back on!!!!

I couldn't stop laughing.  She DID NOT like seeing me bald.  She didn't want us wasting any more time with that wig off!!  That will be a funny memory for me. 

I saw this picture at the bookstore, and bought this pocketsize for me.

This is what I feel is happening to me.  And how grateful I am for it.

Now you see it....Now you don't!

Within 6 hours from starting my chemo, I broke out with a rash down my arms, trunk, and legs.  Much different looking rash than last time.  Nonetheless, just as itchy. I about went nuts scratching at work.  I know I am not supposed to scratch, but how do I not? I really do try not to.  I called the dermatologist and he got me in the very next morning, but alas.........there was nothing for him to see this morning!  The rash was gone.  Isn't that the way it goes!  I told him I had pictures to show him from last evening, but he didn't seem to want to see them.  Don't you hate feeling stupid when you have something doctor worthy, you go and ta-da....... You are better!

I have felt nauseated quite a bit of the day today, and extremely tired. I haven't slept well for several nights and I think my body got run down. I came home from work and went right to bed. So.....no rash today, and no itching.......YAY!

Round Two

Well, the day is almost here to begin my chemo again.  Tomorrow is the day we talked to my oncologist about starting it back up. I will take one pill in the morning and that is all for the day.  Not the four I had previously taken per day.  My fun weekend is over and it's back to a normal life again.

At my class reunion, there were many who came up to me and talked to me about my cancer and asked questions, hugged me, cried with me, laughed with me, and it was just the most fun class reunion I have ever had I thought. I had many dear friends in my grade and loved my time spent with them Saturday evening.  Thank you to those of you who were so kind. I have great memories from growing up in Payson/West Mountain.

The countdown is now on for nine days from tomorrow to see if the rash comes back or not.  Please Not!

Back on Chemo- Back to rash- back to Itching-

My oncologist called me Wednesday evening.  I was really not expecting her to call me after hours.  She had just talked to my dermatologist. With the knowledge she learned from him of my situation and how the  Nexivar, (my chemo) really was the cause of my rash, she still wants me to go back on it. Only one pill a day instead of four.  She is aware I most likely will get the awful rash again, and it could be worse this time. (I can't imagine it being worse but what do I know)?

Knowing these things, she feels I need to go back on it and that the dermatologist will be able to give me some relief for the itching this time around.  The dermatologist  did say he could help with that. That means I most likely will get the moon face from being on prednisone for a length of time and a rash from head to toe, literally. I can't wait!  This time I keep taking the chemo even with the  rash.  I don't go off of it.

I also learned, that there aren't many drugs that help my kind of cancer. I don't have much to choose from. I hadn't been told that before.

I can say this pretty sincerely. When the rash covers my body and face, I will not be going out among  you all. I will hibernate for the up-to-twelve weeks that the rash can last. I looked so bad last time, so I can pretty much  assume how this will play out.

That is the plan as of today.  I will start chemo after I go to my class reunion on Labor Day weekend. I told my doctor that I couldn't go to my reunion covered in red welts. I'll bet everyone reading this wouldn't either.

I don't see family pictures in my near future. Maybe in 2014.

(Also, I truly can't believe how many times this blog has been viewed! It is nearing 5,000! I had a friend ask me how I knew that many people.  I don't! I just have lots of loving people who care to see how I am doing on a regular basis.  Thank you for loving me through this.)

Dermatologist visit

I went to the dermatologist today.  He looked at what is left of my rash and very positively said it was not hives and was a rash from  the Nexivar chemo med.  I showed him the pictures I took of me and all the pieces fit as far as he was concerned to be a reaction to the med.  He said if the Nexivar isn't that much better of a drug than an IV drug, he would change drugs.  If it is a lot better than any IV drug, then no matter how much of the Nexivar I take, 1 pill a day, or 4 pills a day, (which I was taking), it will still cause the rash, only next time it may be worse.  He said if my doctor still wants the Nexivar, he can give me stuff to help with the rash and itching, but it will still be pretty awful for me and could still be very uncomfortable with the itching. 
So now what?
 
I don't know.  I just keep getting road blocks all along this road to recovery.  It would be so nice to just have a smooth ride.  But I guess no one learns lessons in life if the road doesn't have holes and bumps in it.  I just wish I could have some new asphalt.

I don't see my oncologist for another week. 

Dermatologist. Why can't I just be a text book case?

Today I saw my Oncologist.  She has been out of town and saw my pictures of my rash/hives for the first time.  She is so perplexed.  My Nexivar should not do what it did to me? And if I had been allergic, I would have had troubles breathing with as bad as it was.  So my perplexed doctor is sending me to a dermatologist . She wants to speak to, ( in my case) her and get her expertise.  Since I still have quite a rash on my trunk and legs, she wants to see me in 2 weeks.  In the meantime, I am shedding like a dog and no chemo medicine till then.

Relay For Life- Hair Loss

This has been an emotional week so far.  But then, it seems I have a ton of those kind of weeks, don't I !!!!! Here are some things that happened:

1)  I have been off of my chemo for 12 days tomorrow, when I see my oncologist.  I was only on it 9 days, when I got the rash, and have been off while my rash goes away.  It is weird.  It almost went away, and it seems it is appearing again, but not raised welts and doesn't itch.  I don't get it. 

2)  Morgan County had their Relay For Life last weekend.  A couple of months ago, my sister said she thought I should enter a "Team Terry Lynn".  The only problem, was most of the teams had been earning money for their team for all year.  We were just getting started.  We decided that since at this time, we needed the money  to help pay bills from all of my medical expenses more than I needed to help make money for cancer research, that we bagged the idea of getting a team to walk.  However, I did want to go over to  the high school and see how Relay For Life worked. 

I was so overwhelmed, I couldn't talk for the first several minutes after I arrived.  Everyone was so happy, and coming out of the bleachers to come on  the track to walk after each cancer survivor was called.  It was all I could do to choke back tears and keep it together.  I didn't want to cry.  Everyone was so dang happy!!  What was my problem?!?  Neighbors who saw me, came over and put their arm around me and I knew if I said one word I would start tears that wouldn't stop.  So I probably seemed unfriendly for the first while to familiar faces.  Then I kept hearing people say, "You need a shirt".  I didn't know what shirt they meant.  Pretty soon, Kim and I were dressed in Relay For Life shirts.  On the back of mine, I was supposed to put how many birthday's I had had since my cancer.  On the back of Kim's it said he was a Caretaker.  That's when I couldn't stop the tears. I had held back long enough.  They just streamed down my face. " I REALLY HAVE CANCER!  IT ISN'T JUST A BAD DREAM!"   So Kim and I walked around the track, holding hands and I continued to cry.  This was the happiest sad thing I had ever seen!   Why was I the only one that seemed to be a boob?  I finally told Kim that I couldn't stay any longer.  I needed to go.  I needed to process this in my mind this year.  I said I wanted to go swing on the swings at the park!  So we did.  That was my Relay For Life Experience. 

3)  Well, today is Monday, and this morning was monumental in my book.  The dreaded day arrived that I didn't want to ever have happen.  My hair started coming out.  Washing it this morning, left a whole pile of hair in the drain.  My heart skipped a beat as I picked it out.  I then rinsed it again to see if it really was my hair, and sure enough, a whole pile of more hair in the drain.  I got out of the shower and texted Kim.  I was upset.  He assured me he would always love me no matter what happened to my hair.  I combed through it and it kept coming out in my brush.  When I blew it dry, I could take my hands anywhere through my hair and get a handful.  And that is exactly what is happening now, and probably will continue. I don't understand why it is coming out now since I have not been on the drug for so many days.   I don't know, but I just didn't want it to happen yet.  I am having my class reunion in a few weeks, and I really didn't want to go to it with a head wrap.  If that wouldn't call attention to me, nothing would, and I don't want special attention.  Hopefully this will stop before it gets too bad.

Mountains to Climb

This was sent to Kim and I to watch.  It gave us such comfort!  I hope you enjoy it!

Letters from my mom...30 years after she passed away.

This is an incredible story! I still can't believe it!

Through all of this cancer stuff, I have really wanted my mom to be near me, and I have wanted to feel her presence some way.  I have felt my dad's presence, but not something extraordinary from mom. There is just something about one's mom that feels so good to have her there when you are feeling down and sick, that I don't think you ever get over. Especially, I know mom knows what I am feeling as I go through all of this cancer stuff, since she died from breast cancer almost 30 years ago from today. I have requested her presence in many prayers.

Last week, out of nowhere, I got a padded envelope in the mail, addressed to me from a cousin of mine whom I haven't seen, nor even knew where she lives for probably 25 years.  As I opened the envelope, out dropped letter after letter in my mother's handwriting that mom had written to her sister while she was going through her cancer.  In fact, the dates of the letters are within 6 months of her death.  One is within 2 weeks.  My cousin does not know that I have cancer, and had no idea how much these letters would mean to me.  She had a whole pile of letters her mother had saved during her life, and these are ones my mother had written her.  My cousin thought I might like them.  LIKE THEM......ARE YOU KIDDING?  I had prayed that my mother was aware of what I was going through, and the timing of these letters coming to me right now was no coincidence! Whatever mom did to my cousin to prompt her to send these to me right now, I may never know, but I intend to find out.

In each of these letters, I felt the letters were meant for me.  She would talk about how she felt from her cancer, and how sick she felt.  She talked about after her mastectomy, how the cancer had spread in other places.  Then I about died when I read, and I quote: "My cancer is progressing and is now in my liver. I am starting to bloat and have tenderness over the liver.  My doctor gives me 4 to 6 months".  Mom died 3 months later. I never knew mom's cancer went into her liver.  And that was my symptom when I first saw my doctor, was the pain of the bloating.

My cousin also had a story that another of my mom's sisters had written about mom.  It was a month before she died.  My aunt flew mom to Portugal where she lived so she could spend some time with her before she passed on.  The letter is an account of mom's last month, and how spoiled she got spending time with my aunt.

Even though these letters were not addressed to me, they were for me.  Right now.  In what I am going through I needed to read in my mothers handwriting, how she felt when she was going through what I am.  This has been a little miracle for me.  I am go grateful to my cousin from some kind of prompting, to send these to me. 

So yes.....I received letters from my mom.  30 years after her death to tell me she loves me and is aware of my struggle.  Thanks mom!  I sure love you and miss you!!

Hives from my chemo and the port in my collar bone

 Here is my chest/neck with  the hives I talked about in the preceding post on my blog.  I about went crazy with the itching in the night so we went to the emergency room. I was given benedryl and prednisone.  When I was in the hospital a couple of months ago with the biopsy, they put this port under my skin so when I started intravenous chemo, it would be ready.  My neice Shayli told me I needed to name it.  Then Kim said I should think of my favorite port I have been to.  I knew immediately it was St. Lucia.  So my port is named Lucy for short.  I have not got to use Lucy, since I take oral pills, but that will change if my pills cause me this much distress.  I was told to stop the pills until I see my doctor on Tuesday from my hives.  Anyway, that is Lucy! And might I add, I REALLY dislike her.  She is always black and blue from bumping her. You can see the tubing under my skine that goes up my neck into a main artery.

That is my back.  Couldnt get a very good picture taking it by myself.

My arms are covered, and scalp, and legs.  This morning I noticed my face is getting it also.  They arent this severe yet.  I sooooo hope that my face doesn't get worse like these pictures.  Wow,I have had lots of posts the last few days.  I have a really neat post I want to post soon that happened a few days ago.  About my mom who died 30 years ago, almost to  the day.She died from breast cancer at age 49.  I cant wait to put that post on.  I dont want to overwhelm anyone readying this with so many stories and pictures.

I might add, that my chemo could produce a skin rash, but this is extreme.  We will see what my doctor says on Tuesday.

Also, I am sorry for this being so graphic, but it is part of the Road I am Traveling.

Well, last night several symptoms kicked in. Not a good day.

What a difference a day makes! I started aching like crazy in the night, I hurt everywhere.  I woke up to my whole body in hives, (except my face, but I feel that is coming).  I itch like crazy. I feel pretty awful.  I called my doctor.  Left a message, and hope to hear from her soon.  My appetite is also gone.  Nothing sounds good.  Welcome to My world of Nexivar!  I sure hope there is some aid coming quickly. I feel like I have been run over by a truck.

Side effects of chemo after week #1

Ok.  I am so lucky thus far into my treatment. If I only have these side effects, I will be a happy camper!
1. Like I said before, my palms are heat sensitive and sore.

2.  The bottoms of my feet are sore. I have to have slippers on around the house.  They are too tender to go barefoot.

3.  My tongue feels like it is burned so the taste buds don't work.  I am not enjoying eating because  I can't taste the darn stuff.  ( I will admit that this is the worst symptom).

4.  My head is getting really sore, which is a sign that I may lose my hair.  I have been vain about this, I will admit it.  I don't want to lose my hair.  When it started getting sore, I thought about it.....if I was losing an arm or a leg from a side effect, that would be reason to be horrified.  I may just lose my hair, and IT WILL GROW BACK!  I can't grow back a body limb!  Who knows.  Maybe my gray will come back brown.  Or I get natural curl. Or I become a red head. Or it comes back silky smooth.......or....or......I know. Now I am being silly.

So after week one, that is where I am on this "Road I Travel" these days.  It is a new life.  I am trying to get used to it. I am told it takes about 1 1/2 weeks for the symptoms to come.  Maybe more will surface, but I am not sick.  That is good.

You all give me such courage!  And when I hear from so many of you that you pray for me, it makes me so happy, thankful, and tearful.  I just wish you all know how that makes my heart feel so full. This is the happiness that has come out of this trial for me.  All of you and your kindness and prayers for me.  The tears drip down my face as I write this, because of you. I am blessed by you.  A huge thanks!

PS. Whoever is sending me the happy face notes,  Thank you.  And I love the sand dollar!

My First Side Effects.....

Well, I knew it wouldn't be long until the side effects of my little" friends" would surface.  I sort of noticed something last night, but today I'm sure.  My palms are starting to look red and super sensitive to heat!  Picking up a pancake  and testing my dish water was like putting my hand on a hot plate!  So super sensitive to heat! And the bottoms of my feet are starting to be tender and somewhat sore.  I can't be a wimp.  It assuredly will get worse before it gets better.  I was aware of  what would happen to the palms and bottoms of my feet.  Only they most likely will get very red and dry and cracked!  (That hasn't happened yet.)  Last night in bed, my cancer masses bothered me in my stomach.  I haven't felt them like that for many weeks.  I had to keep reminding myself, " the Nexivar is doing its job.... Yea"!

I am excited to have family pictures taken this evening.  I wanted to do it soon in case I lose my hair and get the red facial acne.  While Shane, my son is here from Vegas, I thought it would be a good family picture moment.

Thank you for caring about me enough to read my blog. I wish I knew who you all are that visit. Thank you for comments you leave.  It makes me happy.

July 25th is the Day

I got my chemo medication on Tuesday afternoon.  I decided to wait until after the holiday to start it.  So July 25th is the big day.  I was told by my doctor that this medication should not be my enemy.  The cancer is the enemy and this is my dear friend. I must imagine powerful things taking place in the cancer when I take it.  I am to think of some picture in my mind of what I think of when taking this pill.  Something battling the bad guy.  She wants to know what my image is when i see her next.  As of yet, I don't know.  Any ideas out there?  I am open for suggestions..........  But the day is almost finally here.

Nexivar is a go! Am I ready? NOT!

Today has been a really busy day as far as getting my Nexivar medication. I got a call this morning from the drug company, and they will help pay some of our cost on the drug! We are so happy! We are now down to an affordable amount . A huge miracle. They will help pay it for a year.  Then we have to try and get help again. We will have to do that for the rest of my life as I continue this drug, as I will always take it for as long as it helps. The drug is being shipped to me as I speak. They think I should have it Monday or Tuesday, July 22nd or 23rd. I will start it then.  And guess what? I can lose my hair after all! :(   The nurse from the drug company told me I can have thinning hair and that it could fall out on my pillow or in the shower. They told me the other side effects possible. ( Please don't let me get some of them)! Some sound so awful, including the hair loss. I may have to hide in my house till they go away! (Just kidding....well, sort of just kidding. I could look pretty awful with a face plastered with a red rash and nasty hair).  I asked Kim if he will still love me when I look really ugly.  He laughed and said yes! HE LAUGHED!  This isn't a laughing matter!!!!  Well, OK, it is!  LOL

Where Did 15 pages of faxes go?

Another week set back.  We faxed 15 pages of information about our income to our doctor's office.  I know they received them and faxed them right to the drug company ASAP. We should have gotten a call from the drug company within 48 hours.  Yesterday, after waiting a week, Kim called our doctor's office and asked about it.  They called the drug company and they said they never received it!  (15 faxed pages just disappeared in thin air somewhere by the fax machine!) Meanwhile......after weeks and weeks and more weeks of playing the waiting game.......I feel great.  I haven't been sick for about 4-5 weeks. I just can't believe how NOTHING has worked timely. I keep thinking it isn't a coincidence for some reason. Hey! I am learning patience though. At least I think I am.

Thank you to everyone who has offered suggestions and ideas for my well being.  I have a lot! It overwhelms me the different things out there.

My Book of Memories and Thoughts from my Friends and Neighbors, and Family

This Book my daughter Emily made for me from many of you reading this blog is priceless.  Watch the video I made of it!!!  I was speachless!!  Thank you to all who wrote something to me!!  I love you all!

Hepatoma Cancer- Mayo Clinic- $900- Yikes!

 

Kim and I waiting for the Doctor at my appointment.

Well, as I have said before......this cancer of mine is not going to let us take care of it easily.  In fact, it is so rare/unusual, that my MRI was sent to the Mayo Clinic!!!  That is as high as you can go folks!  I about died when my oncologist told us that yesterday.  But in being sent there, we did find out for sure that what she thought about my cancer, is entirely true. I do have Hepatoma Cancer, which is in the liver.  Here is what I learned yesterday. (Why cant this be easier????)
1.  I will be taking an oral chemo pill twice a day.  Hopefully my body will tolerate it.  If the masses shrink, that is excellent but that means I continue taking it the rest of my life.  I never quit.
2.  If it doesnt work, and I cant tolerate it, I would go on an intervenous chemo which doesn't work as good.
3.  The chemo pill will cost us out of pocket, after our insurance pays, $900 a month.  Our mouths dropped.  That would take our savings in several months.  Not years.....months.
4.  We are now in the process of trying to prove how much Kim gets paid monthly, to show the drug company that we literally can't afford paying that much money on that drug monthly.  I have a lot of papers to fax my doctor office today, they will fax it to the drug company, and if they accept that fact, they will try and find a company to help us out.  Some company who will help share the cost of the drug with us.  If we find a company to help, then when their money runs out, we find another sponser.  Isn't that awful that drug companies know they can charge totally unreasonable amounts because people will pay it when it is life and death situations?  It is a crime I think.
5. My doctor told me I wont lose my hair with this drug!!!  Yea!!
6. The chemo drug is called Nexivar.
7. I can never be cured...(So they say) But I can gain time if Nexivar shrinks what is there.
8.  This cancer will keep a patient looking healthy, and not sick looking for a long time.  But not to be deceived by that.  It is bad. But the fact I am healthy, is a good thing that will help me because I am strong to start with when I begin my chemo therapy.

I can't thank you all enough for your kind comments on this blog, those of you who have helped me with fasting and praying for me.  Those of you who have sent me cards in the mail, have given me love and support when you see me, have dropped off a loaf of bread or cookies, or other caring ways that you have touched me and helped Kim and I.  Each of these things bolsters up my courage and helps me to know that I CAN DO THIS!!! Thank you all!

Another week goes by with no conclusive news

Well, my MRI info I guess did not go to Hunstman cancer institute like my oncologist wanted. Our insurance is not IHC and Huntsman is.  So it is being reviewed at the University of Utah. I did find out I don't have hepatitis A or B.  Hey, I got my feet zoned today and she said I look great!  She has confidence in me getting well. There has to be a reason for all things. So there has to be a reason for this happening week after week.  I don't know what that reason is, but I know somebody who does and He is in charge. Not me.  I think I am going through some earthly testing that is surely testing me and my families patience.  After this, I will never be impatient again at Christmas and unwrap my gifts when no one is looking.  I will have learned patience finally!  ( Kim will laugh when he reads this!)

A Surprise in the mail today!!

Look what came in the mail for me today!  I was so choked up I couldn't even talk to Kim.  I could only show him.  I actually saw him choke up also.  Thank you Shane!!  I know you were behind this.  It was so thoughtful.  I will be proud to wear this to my chemo treatments with my kids birthstones around my neck. I most likely will wear it more than that.  I sure love my kids.

MRI? Please don't make me ever have another one!

At 12:30 today I had the MRI my oncologist ordered. If you haven't ever had one.....think about this! Lying on a bed ...going in a body sized tunnel....rhythmic loud noises at different pitches. Holding ones breath for 20 second intervals.....over....and over....and over. Maybe 25 times. Trying to hold your breath for 20 seconds while loud noises penetrate your ears. Did I say over...and over....for 45 minutes! Yea I'm done!! Send this to the Huntsman Cancer Institute today please!

What Do We Do With My Liver Cancer? Here is what we are looking at now.

What an exhausting Dr. Appointment. We tried so hard to understand all the possibilities this cancer has. Sorry if I spell some of these words wrong. I only heard them. Not see them. It looks like I could have Hepatoma liver cancer, which usually shows cerosis of the liver in drinkers or drunks. But there is no cerosis in my liver. Another possibility is that I have Hepatitis B or C and had it for a long time and it has caused cancer. They took some blood to find that out. If it is one of these, there will be one direction we would go. This week she talked to some liver specialists at Huntsman. She is going to have me get a liver MRI this week. The results would go to several liver specialists at Huntsman who will collectively look at the MRI. They will decide if surgery would be possible. They will also decide if I need a liver transplant and if I would even be a candidate. They will decide if surgery isn't possible now, but would be after I have chemo and the masses shrink. I am not starting chemo until the specialists at Huntsman meet over my MRI. I could start chemo in a week, but for sure in 2 weeks. I am trying to make this easy to understand. Kim and I had a dickens of a time comprehending and understanding it all. We kept asking questions that we probably should have understood. This is so frusterating for me. I can't even tell you. On the way home from the Dr. Kim said, "So what are we learning from all of this?" I said in a grumpy voice, "I don't know. Please tell me". He told me "Patience". I am not being very patient. One thing my doctor keeps telling me is how I don't look sick. That I look healthy. She says that is good. She also says that this cancer is better than if it had been pancreatic. That is also good news. Other than that..... I have no news. Good or bad.

Martina McBride - I'm Gonna Love You Through It

Such a touching and sweet song!  I was a bawling bundle of mess as I watched this.  Bring it on!  I have a great support team thanks to all of you!!

I decided to take a recent photo of me before I start my chemo this week.  I may look haggard and bald after my series of treatment.  I don't know.  If I do loose my hair, should I :
1..wear a wig
2..wear a head wrap
3..wear a hat
4..go ah natural-bald  (please don't pick this one!!!)

Oncologist #1

Three days after Mother's day my family Doctor told Kim and I , that I had cancer.  We just didn't know what kind.  After that day, I had an ultrasound, CT scan, CT biopsy, endoscopy, colonoscopy and PETscan.  My family doctor suggested me go see a cancer doctor close to his office.  Kim and I went to see him on a Friday 3 weeks ago.  I have never felt so discouraged as I did that day.  This doctors bedside manner was horrible.  He told me I had stage 4 pancreatic cancer, he thought.  The tests pointed to it but he wasn't sure if the cancer was attached to the pancreas or not.  He told me I had about a year, and that I would need chemotherapy, but that it might not buy me some time.  I would just keep doing the rounds of chemo till my body wouldn't take it any more.  And might I add, while he was giving me my death sentence, so unkindly, his nurse kept knocking on the door interrupting us.  His mind was somewhere else, but definitely not on me.  He set me up a date to start chemo the following Wednesday.

Kim and I left his office in shock.  I was going to die in one year!!!  No hope for my future.  Nothing. And I was putting my life in this mans hand, and he didn't care a hoot for me!

Kim and I went to the car, and the both of us started sobbing, holding on to one another for an hour.  Telling our love for each other for the past 38 years of marriage.  I have never seen Kim weep like that day.  It is something I will never forget. 

Our kids were asked to come that evening.  They knew it was my diagnosis from the doctor.  We told them and called our son in Las Vegas. 

The next day, I went from sadness to madness!  How insensitive of that doctor to not give me any hope!  How dare he!  We had asked him about us getting a second opinion and he said they would just tell us the same thing but maybe in a kinder way.  I didn't care what he said.  I wanted a kinder doctor, and one that would have compassion for me, care about my care and future, and give me hope for a future.  So with the help of a wonderful friend, she and I went for it.

On Monday, I called the Utah Cancer Institute, told them about this insensitive oncologist, and told them I wanted a second opinion with a caring doctor.  They gave me a name, and said she would fit my expectations.  They got me in to see her the very next day.  She was the difference between the night, (doctor #1) and day (doctor #2).  She gave me hope.  And seemed to really care about what I had just gone through.

 

Oncologist #2

The day we went to see this doctor, everything, and everyone in the office was a positive change.  We spent 3 hours in this office between all the staff, the assisting doctor and the doctor.  She had all of my records and she said she wanted to have my biopsy read again to see if there was a mistake.  After it was read again, there had been a mistake, and the cancer was not associated with my pancreas!!!  Oh my, my!  I would have started chemo with doctor #1 by now to fix something that wasn't broken!!!  Oncologist #2 wanted a second biopsy with a surgeon this time.  A laproscopic biopsy.  I met with the surgeon, and it would be quite intensive.  He also was going to insert in my collarbone a port catheter to hook the chemo to each time I would have a treatment.  I was in the hospital for 2 nights.  Yesterday, I finally got my results back from my oncologist that I have liver cancer.  But I was told by the assisting doctor, "This is doable".  Those were the words she used.  I liked those words.  Those words give me hope.  I meet with her on Tuesday the 25th of June after I go to the surgeons office to get all my bandages off from the biopsy and my port.  She will then tell me what my future holds for me.  I have hope.  High hope.  This has been quite the ride.  On a horrible rollercoaster to be exact.

Thank goodness for all of my family and friends who have given me hope, love, kindness, and especially for Kim.  He has given me many blessings this past few weeks.  I have been carried literally, just like that poem of "Footprints in the Sand".  There have been only one set of footprints, and they weren't mine.  I couldn't have gone through this alone.